


Hurting to Healing

by forever_River_Song



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Affairs, Anxiety Disorder, Comfort, Depression, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Mattex, Save Our Mattex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:43:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5006929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forever_River_Song/pseuds/forever_River_Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt finds a beautiful woman crying in the back of the library. He is determined to find out what has hurt her so badly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Woman in the Library

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU I just came up with because of some things that I have been experiencing recently.  
> This first chapter isn't very long but if this goes anywhere close to how I want the chapters will get longer.

Matt was young and stupid. He had first seen her weeks ago, she had been in a secluded corner of the library and she had been crying. It wasn’t the kind of delicate tears that resulted from a sad book or a beautifully written poem, it was the kind that came from raw emotion. Her eyes red and her face and blouse stained with tears, she kept wiping her running nose on her sleeve as she tried to breathe through the sobs that shook her body violently.

He had wanted desperately to comfort her because it was obvious that her world could be ending, but he had no idea who she was. She had beautiful hair, golden with red hues, curled wildly around her face. She was wearing black boots with jeans and an oversized sweater over the blouse. He could tell she was older than him, but he wasn’t sure by how many years, he assumed probably no more than five or six. He refused to try and approach her at that moment because he did not want her to be scared away.

He visited the library down the street from his home every day after he had first seen her. For a few days, he didn’t see her. Exactly three week later she returned, he watched her walk across the front lobby and head towards the back of the library, back to where he had first seen her. She looked upset again.

He stood from his chair and followed behind her for a few paces. He stopped when he saw a librarian and called her over. “Excuse me ma’am, but do you know the woman who just walked by?”

“Yes I do, that’s Alexandra. She is a regular here, has been since she was a young girl. Being around the books is her therapy.” The elderly woman smiled sadly.

“Therapy ma’am?” Matt was puzzled by her apparent sympathy towards the younger woman.

“Yes, she hasn’t always had a wonderful life.” That was all the woman said as she went back to what she had been tending to.Matt mentally scratched his head. He wondered what had happened to her when she was younger and what was happening now.

He began walking towards the corner of the back room when someone snatched at his arm. He quickly turned trying to break free, but only caused himself to trip and take himself and his attacker to the ground. “Oi! What was that for?” He righted himself and faced a pair of bright green eyes that were full of tears.

“Why were you following me? Why did you ask Mrs. Williams about me?” She hissed at him as she stood back up. She held out her hand and helped him to his feet.

“I saw you crying a few weeks ago and to be completely honest I was worried something was seriously wrong. You don’t see someone crying like that in a library every day.”

She looked down at her feet, “I was upset, I couldn’t help it…. I just…. I can’t…” Her voice began to break and she moved her hands to cover her face.

Matt instinctively pulled her into his arms to comfort her, but she pushed him away and quickly turned to leave. “Alexandra!” He called after her quickly retreating figure, but she was around a shelf and gone before he could move.

Alex ran until she made it to the women’s restroom and was hidden in a stall. She tried to cry as silently as possible as she sorted through the past few minutes. Why had some boy, so much younger than she, want to comfort her, he didn’t even know her. She couldn’t grasp the idea that he cared because she wasn’t used to males caring about her.

After half an hour of fighting to calm down, she took a deep breath. She had to keep it together, at least until she got out to her car. She exited the restroom and made her way to the library lobby. She hoped the young man had left by now so she wouldn’t have to face him again. She felt slightly guilty for running away from him, but why would she want to be comforted by a complete stranger?

She didn’t see him as she exited the building and walked towards her car. She hoped she hadn’t hurt his feelings too bad. She just couldn’t afford to trust someone else. She refused to give anyone else the power to hurt her the way so many had in the past.

Matt watched her from across the street. He felt this weird need to make sure she was ok. He was determined to find out why she’d come to the library only to hide and cry. He hoped she would be safe wherever she was returning to because he would come back to the library every day until he saw her again. He watched as her car pulled out of the lot and drove down the street, until he could no longer see it then turned to head to his flat about a mile away.


	2. Waking Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't super long, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.  
> Keep in mind this is fiction and I am basing this on some things I have experienced personally.  
> Also don't get to used to me posting chapters back to back, this week just hasn't been busy at all.  
> Enjoy and leave me feedback if you like, I love knowing what you guys think <3

When Alex awoke she stared at her textured ceiling for a very long time. She found shapes and strange faces in the random bumps and crevasses. The emptiness of the room didn’t bother as much as it had in the previous days. She rolled to her left and right noticing how much bed was left on both sides of her. Having a king-sized bed all to herself was nicer than she had imagined. She could move however she wanted in the night and never had to worry if she was going to kick him. She could sleep in the very middle of the bed with a dozen pillows around her if she pleased. She also never had to worry she would wake up to find he had never come home. She sighed, he would never come home again.

She looked over at her open closet. It was so empty without all his button up shirts and nice blazers. She kept staring blankly while she came to the realization she had so much more room for her own clothes; that she could go by more if she wanted. She could get more dresses she didn’t necessarily need and not have to hear about it from anyone. She could leave her make up all over her bathroom counter and no one could yell at her for it. She could use all the hot water and never worry about who wouldn’t get any later. She could make whatever she felt like for dinner and no one would complain. He couldn’t tell her she was a terrible cook, he couldn’t complain that it was food he didn’t like.

She got out of bed and walked towards her bathroom. She turned the water on and let it get as hot as her skin could stand. When it touched her body she flinched away, but it only took seconds for her to get used to the heat. Even with all the pros to this immensely painful situation she could never hold on to them long enough to keep herself from falling back to her worst thoughts. He had left her. She wasn’t good enough to keep him. She could not submit herself to him in the ways he requested of her. She had been too headstrong, too self-respecting, to please him. So he lied and cheated and left.

She stood in the shower waiting for tears to fall, but they never came. She wondered if she had used all her tears in the past few months. She had cried so much, sometimes to the point she made herself physically sick. It was similar to the feelings she had when her father left. The past few months had been much like that time when she was a child. The hurt feelings, the helplessness, the dread, even the slight relief.

She shook her soaked hair and watched water droplets splatter the tiles. How could she be relieved? How, after all the love she had felt for him, could she be relieved he was gone? She washed her hair and let her mind wander around the subject. She was relieved their fighting would be over. She just couldn’t handle the screaming anymore. He could always get louder than her and she would always strain her vocal cords and hurt her throat trying to be heard. He always knew how to break her as well. It became apparent after a while that he wanted to see her cry. He felt powerful when he could get her that upset. He liked it when he could hurt her to the point she couldn’t speak through the tears.

She enjoyed the feeling of the hot water and the soap on her skin as she bathed. How had she done this to herself? She had managed to achieve the one thing she had promised herself she would never ever do, she had married someone just like her dad. How had she let that happen? She let out a whimper and decided that the day was a library day.

She stepped out of the shower, dried her hair, and did her makeup. She found her favorite skirt. It was long and flowy with a nice purple floral pattern on the black background. She found a nice solid purple blouse and her warm coat. She was sure that young man would be there waiting for her. She wondered as she walked out her door without breakfast, why she hoped he was there. He was at least twenty years younger than herself, and he certainly didn’t want the baggage she carried.

 

Matt woke up and immediately began getting ready to leave. He tried to visit the library around the same time every day, thank God he had always hated taking morning classes and opted for afternoon and night classes. He always had time to go to the library that way. He threw on one of his band t-shirts his mom used to complain would never attract someone of the opposite sex. She always told him he needed to dress more like an adult male and less like an adolescent or he’d never find a suitable girlfriend. He never paid her much mind. If he was comfortable and happy the right girl would show up anyway, right? The right girl. He wondered if Alexandra would show up today. He had to give it to himself, being so determined to see her again wasn’t a bad decision. Being the library every day for three or four hours was doing wonders for his grades. He would sit next one of the windows that overlooked the parking lot and do his homework while he waited.

He grabbed his school bag and a banana and began the walk to the library. He felt like today would be the day he saw her again, he felt like he would get the answers he wanted so desperately today. He had been so worried about her and what could possibly have her so upset. She was so beautiful and it didn’t seem like she could hurt a fly. Someone who seemed so genuinely innocent didn’t deserve to hurt so badly.

All his friends had said he was nuts going after a strange crying woman in a library. They were convinced he’d never see Alexandra again. He knew they were probably right, but he couldn’t give up that easily, especially when there was a possibility she could need him. He had to see her just one more time. He just wanted to know she was ok. He would never have to see her again if she didn’t want as long as he knew she was safe and would be happy again. Although he sincerely hoped she would want to see him again and often.

He thought about what he was going to say to her as he walked into the library. Maybe he should just introduce himself and ask if she was ok. He made his way to his usual table, looking down at his feet, as he tried to create some sort of script in his head. He really didn’t want to make a fool of himself though it was probably inevitable. He looked up as the distance between him and his usual spot shortened and saw that the chair that was always left empty was indeed occupied.

He recognized her curls immediately even though he had only seen her twice. He took a deep breath and walked slowly towards the table. She was reading a book and he didn’t want to startle her. He stopped a couple feet away from the table and cleared his throat. She jumped in surprise as her head whipped up towards him. Then she smiled at him and he forgot everything he wanted to say.


	3. Meeting Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really enjoying writing this story. I hope you like it so far. For whatever reason this is coming out in short chapters, sorry. Don't be shy about commenting, I like hearing from all of you. Also, I have two prompts for the River Song ficathon going on over on Tumblr and they will be posted here sometime before the deadline in December. 
> 
> Enjoy Sweeties <3

Alex nearly threw her book across the table when he cleared his throat, but when she saw his face she couldn’t help but smile. He was so young. She quickly took in the details of his face. His smile was bright. It lacked the weight of someone who had seen the things she had, it had no knowledge of how cruel life could really be. His nose was big, but it fit his face perfectly sitting in between deep-set hazel eyes. His dark hair flopped over his forehead in a careless way. She knew already his life had not been tainted by hardships such as hers. He didn’t know the pain of abuse and the way it could wear someone down.

He chuckled at her reaction and grinned bigger, “Hello Alexandra.”

The sound of his voice, the sincerity and warmth, it made her feel things she hadn’t felt in months. She felt safe and comfortable. She smiled and giggled, “Hello...” She stopped, she didn’t even know this young man’s name and she was giggling at him like she was a schoolgirl with a crush, “I’m sorry, but I never learned your name.” She looked down at her hands as she blushed. She was an idiot for coming to find a guy who was probably twenty years younger than her whose name she didn’t even know.

“My name is Matt. It’s very nice to meet you.” He sat down opposite her and extended his hand across the table. He holds his breath as she slowly moves to shake his hand. The contact only lasts a second before she quickly moves her hand back onto her lap. He isn’t offended by her actions, knowing he is lucky she is even here with him. 

They are quiet for a few moments, both trying to decide how to begin. Matt decides to ask something obvious, hopefully easing them into a decent conversation. “How did you know this is where I like to sit?”

Alex blushes and looks out the window. “I asked Mrs. Williams if you had come back and of so, where you might be. She was quick to say you’ve been here every day since I ran away from you.”

Matt blushed at the accusation. “Yeah I have,” he scratched the back of his head, “I wasn’t trying to be weird, though, I swear, I was just worried you might be in some sort of trouble.”

Alex looked at him in surprise. She couldn’t imagine why he would be worried about her, he didn’t even know her. “Why be worried about me?”

“Well seeing you crying like that, it was obvious that you were seriously upset. I thought maybe you were in danger or something.” He shrugged, “I guess I may have let my imagination get the best of me because you’re here and you aren’t crying right now. I’m hoping that means something in your life has changed for the better.”

She smiled at him and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. How could he care so much about her? She didn’t reply for a moment and she didn’t realize she was even teary eyed until he began to apologize. “No, no Matt, this isn’t upset tears darling. No, I am just surprised you care so much for someone you don’t know. It’s just making me a bit emotional.” She wiped her face on her sleeve.

    “Alexandra.” 

The way he said her name made her shiver. She shouldn’t be having this reaction to him, it was wrong. Very very wrong. In spite of herself, and all the control she thought she had, she began to cry harder. Matt began to stand, she assumed to comfort her, but she held her hand up and shook her head. He deflated as he sat back down. She took a couple deep breathes, “I’m so sorry. Please talk to me, tell me about yourself. Just until I calm down at least,” she whimpered.

Matt stared at her intently for a moment before nodding, “Ok I can do that I guess.” he cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. “Well, I’m twenty-one. I’m going to school down the street. I didn’t really have enough money to go away for university.” He paused as she wiped her tears from her face and took another deep breath trying to calm herself. He began again when she nodded to him. “I used to play football whenever I could, but I injured my back and that was the end of that. For a while, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. Football was all I had ever planned on. I was really depressed after that was ripped away from me. It was my sister who helped me a lot. Laura, she encouraged me to go into acting. She is convinced I am as good an actor as I am a footballer. I think she’s crazy.”

Alex listened to him intently. When he paused she pressed for more, “Is that what you are going to school for? Theater?”

He smiled big and continued, “Yes, actually, I figured it was worth a shot. I used to perform in school plays in grade school and enjoyed it. So far I am enjoying the classes I have to take and the professors all think I am very promising. I’ve been cast in the school’s production of A Christmas Carol this winter. I don’t have a major part, I’m just Scrooge’s nephew, but I’m very excited.”

Alex smiled at him, “As you should be, that is wonderful.” His joy was contagious and she was already feeling a little less terrible about her life. “Would you mind me coming to see it when the show begins?” She loved theater and that would certainly be something for her to do that wasn’t wallowing in self-pity and anxiety.

“Oh please do. I would love that!” He didn’t know why he was so excited by the idea of her seeing him perform, but he was. She smiled at his excitement and he couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. Alexandra, the mysterious crying woman, smiling at him.

For the next hour Matt talked animatedly about how his classes had been going this term, how his favorite football team had piss poor excuses for players this past season. He talked about his sister’s modeling business and suggested Alex go audition for the winter season.

“Oh no, I am much too old for that. I’m sure Laura is looking for girls much younger and more beautiful than me.”

    Matt chuckled at her, “Alex you aren’t that old, I mean at most you’re like twenty-eight and you are way more beautiful than the girls my sister works with.”

    Alex choked at his assumption and looked at him in surprise, “You think I’m only twenty-eight years old? Oh darling…” she trailed off. She didn’t know what would happen now.

    “How old are you then? If not twenty-eight maybe thirty at most.” He looked at her hesitantly, hoping he hadn’t offended her in any way by being wrong.

    “Darling, as flattered as I am, it looks like you have been misled a bit. I’m very far from twenty-eight and thirty. I’m… well, I’m forty-one.” She looked down as her cheeks turned red.

    “Oh…”


	4. Tell me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Chapter 4!!! I don't know if I'll be posting another chapter this week because I have a party to prepare for and Halloween makeup to do trail runs of, but I am definitely going to try. I hope this chapter comes across like I hope. Please enjoy and leave me comments to smile at :)

"Oh."

Her heart sank. He stared blankly at her for a moment and she knew that it was all over. He wouldn't care anymore because she was too old. "I- I'm sorry," she stammered, "I had no idea you thought I was so young." She looked away from him. She felt worse now than she had all morning. She reached down by her feet to grab her purse and leave.

As she stood up from her seat he reached out and grabbed her hand. "Don't leave." He looked at her with pleading eyes. "Your age doesn't matter to me, it just makes me wonder why you even came to find me. You must have had an idea about how young I was."

She only nodded, staring down at her hand in his. Matt noticed her gaze and quickly let go. "I understand if you don't come back and see me again if the age thing makes you uncomfortable."

She slowly returned to her seat and thought about it for a moment. "If the age difference bothered me I don't think I would have come to see you today." She looked him the eyes and pleaded with him. She didn't know where this would go, but she wanted to see him again after today. Just to sit and talk in the library. 

He couldn't argue with her. He was the one who assumed wrong. She had come to see him and talk to him well aware of the age difference, so if it didn't bother her it wouldn't bother him. It wasn't like he was in it for a date, even though she was gorgeous and so sweet, they didn't know each other yet. He wanted to be her friend and make sure she was ok. He wouldn't let age get in the way of that.

"Then I don't care either." He smiled at her and the smiled she showed in return melted his heart. He was going to do whatever he could to help her, to be her friend because she obviously needed one. “So, will you tell me a little bit about yourself now?” He could see she was hesitant and he wasn’t going to push her. He tried to encourage her through a smile while she thought about what to do.

She wasn’t sure she was ready to tell him anything, but he had basically told her about his entire life in the last hour. She took a deep breath. “I will try, but there are things that hurt me to remember, that have caused me so much trauma, so just let me take it slow.”

“Of course.”

She took a deep breath, she sincerely hoped this wasn’t another of her stupid mistakes, then she looked to him and spoke. “Well, I was the oldest of three girls. My mother is German so we are all bilingual. We fought a lot as children, life was better then so we behaved worse. I liked to perform in any way. I would dance and sing and make up little plays. My sisters were never as outgoing as myself and I always had my extended family’s attention at holiday gatherings. I think that’s why we didn’t get along so much, they thought I was favorite. As we got older, and we lost our rose colored glasses, we got closer.” She paused and looked at him

“Oh please continue if you like,” he coaxed her. If she was uncomfortable she could stop, but he would rather her continue. He wanted to know all about her and why she loved the library and all the little things that shaped her and how she ended up in front of him.

She gave him an embarrassed smile and sighed, “I was also the biggest book worm. I would read anything. That’s when I began to love libraries. Mom would bring the three of us every weekend and I would disappear for hours. I would find a series and read the first three books that morning then take the rest home for the week. My sisters, Nicola and Susie, would only get things they needed for school or if it was something they really enjoyed. I enjoyed everything.”

She began to look sad and Matt began to wonder if her love of books had been tainted by something. He didn’t want her to get upset so he quickly changed the subject instead of voicing his question. “Did you go to university?”

She nodded, “I went to school for theater as well. I, on the other hand, was never so promising. I have never been in anything worth mentioning and I have never had lead roles. I gave up years ago because it was just so disappointing. Plus I had met Ralph.”

She looked shocked as the last words left her lips. Matt knew then Ralph must have had something to do with all the crying. He immediately hated whoever owned the name. Who would cause such a sweet creature so much sorrow?

Alex hadn’t spoken his name in weeks. She had refused to because she would always sob the moment it left her lips. She had done so without thinking this time and she was fine. No crying. Could it be true that maybe the wounds were mending? No, it couldn’t. Maybe it was because she had said it to Matt. Maybe it was because she was blindly trusting someone she had just met. Maybe it was simply because she knew Matt cared for her before he knew anything about her.

She pondered the thought for many minutes and Matt didn’t try to push her to talk. It was obvious she was surprised at herself for some reason so why distract her from it? It was only when he realized he needed to leave for his first class that he made a sound.

“Alex,” he whispered, “I have to go now, but I will meet you here tomorrow if you like.” When she looked up at him he thought he saw her eyes sadden.

“Ok darling, I guess I will run some errands now.”

They both stood and collected their belongings. Matt noted how much taller than her he was as they walked outside together in silence. He could sit his chin on the top of her head if he slouched. He smiled to himself at the thought of being close to her like that. When they reached the parking lot Matt walked Alex to her car. She opened the driver door and put her purse inside then turned to him. “Are you going to walk to school then?”

“That’s what I do. It’s good exercise for an injured athlete.”

His mock self-pity made her giggle and she reached to unlock the passenger door, “get in athlete. I am going that way already and I would feel bad if you walked.”

He grinned at her and didn’t hesitate to run to the other side of the car. When they were both inside and buckled in he began to laugh.

“What exactly is so funny?” She asked, scrunching her nose at him.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I had just told a couple of friends about me waiting to see you again and they were so sure I would never see you again.” 

“Well then, your friends sound ever so encouraging."  

They both laughed as she started her car and headed for the university.


	5. Change the Locks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! Sorry it's been a couple weeks. I had so much going on. I had to prepare for a party and Halloween, I had a math test and I babysat my nephew for an entire 3 days. Needless to say, I have been very tired, but here it is! I hope everyone enjoys it and please leave comments, I love hearing from you.

They rode in relative silence until he directed her to the back parking lot where his friends were waiting. Alex could tell he was really excited he would be proving his friends wrong about her. She pulled into the empty spot next to his friends’ cars. She could see them staring, obviously confused as to who she was and why she was driving Matt.

Matt was grinning ear to ear. He had proven them wrong. He hadn’t wasted his time like they had said. Alexandra had come to see him and had talked to him. He had won. When she touched his arm he looked at her and smiled even more.

“Thank you Alex. You have made the rest of my week. Look at their faces, they are so confused. They can’t believe a beautiful woman is driving me to class!”

She laughed at him, “Does no one believe you can get a girlfriend?” She honestly couldn’t believe he had such trouble in the area of women when he had been nothing but unbelievably sweet to her. How could this goofball not catch at least one woman’s eye? Maybe you’re the one woman Alex, she thought, then she shook her head. No, she had known him for less than six hours. She wasn’t supposed to think like that so soon or about someone so young.

He shook his head at her question, “Not really. I’ve never been very good in that department.”  He shrugged. It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried, but he is always so awkward and clumsy all the time, no one was willing to take him seriously. 

“Well, get out and boast. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She nudged his arm playfully.

“Actually do you think it would be inappropriate for me to ask for a ride home? It’s supposed to rain today and while I don’t mind walking in it, it would be nicer to be in a dry car.”

“I don’t know Matt….” She trailed off. She felt like it was too soon for things like that. Once was fine to help him one up his friends, but she wasn’t prepared for anything more than sitting and talking.

“It’s ok, I understand. Don’t do anything until you’re ready.” He quickly kissed her cheek and fled the car. She placed her hand over the warm spot where he had kissed her. That cheeky man. She couldn’t help but smile even though she thought it was out of line. She was certain she was losing her mind. 

She watched for a moment as Matt’s friends interrogated him and they talked and laughed. She thought about how wonderful college had been and how happy a time it was for her. That’s where she had made some of her closest friends. It was also where she had met _him_. Don’t think about him! She instantly forced her train of thought to stop so she could drive. 

She went to the store and got groceries and came home to put everything away. She made herself some tea and smiled as she took a sip. The day had been lovely so far. She studied her kitchen while she thought about what she should make for dinner when she noticed it. There was a piece of little yellow paper help by a magnet on her fridge. She blinked trying to remember if she had placed it there. When she decided it couldn’t have been herself she went to the fridge to read what was written.

_Still going to the library I see._

_I just came back for the last of my books_

_Ralph_

 

She screamed as she ripped it off the fridge. She was immediately scared he was still in the house even though she had been there for over an hour. She dug her phone out of her purse and called her sister as she combed every inch of her place. She had to make sure he wasn’t there and that the only thing missing was his box of books that she should have thrown out after the first three months he was gone.

Her sister tried to keep her calm and kept insisting she call and have the locks changed immediately. It was obvious he didn’t give back every copy of the key he possessed. “I will Nicola, I will. When do you get off? I don’t want to be here tonight.”

“Alex you have the spare key to my place, go ahead and go over there and make some tea. The boys will be home from school in a couple hours and they will keep you company.”

Alex sighed and agreed. She said goodbye and hung up with her sister. She walked in her room and studied every detail for a moment. She prayed he had not set foot in her room. It used to be theirs and he ruined it, tainted it, caused her to sleep on the couch for a month because she couldn’t bear to be alone in it. She took a very deep breath and slowly walked around and inspected every piece of furniture and all her personal belongings.

When she was satisfied with the lack of evidence of his presence she found an oversized bag and began getting things for her night at her sister’s. She found her favorite pajamas and some clothes for the next day. She grabbed her makeup, toothbrush, and shampoo out of the bathroom.

She walked into her living room to grab her book off the end table. She placed it in her overnight bag and went down the front hall to retrieve her purse and keys. She looked back at her living room, her home, and wanted to cry. It had taken her months to get him out of everything there. She had finally erased his existence and now he had wiggled his way back in. She would have to start over.  She would have to spend time making sure he had no presences, that nothing would ever remind her of him.

She locked her door as she left and walked to her car. She had no idea what she would do once she arrived at Nicola’s. She wanted to see Matt. She couldn’t understand why exactly, but she felt like he would help her feel safe. 


	6. Sister Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have so much going on, I got engaged, I have babysat my nephew a lot, finals are next week, and I am in the process of transferring schools. Life has been crazy, but here it is in all its short glory. I promise I will be able to update more frequently once classes are over. Thank you for understanding and please feel free to comment like always. <3

She sat on her sister’s couch trying to stay calm. Why had he done this? She ran circles of reasoning in her brain only causing her anxiety to climb higher and higher. She was in tears when her nephews ran in the house. She quickly wiped her eyes as she heard squeals of Aunt Alex and had two little ones throwing themselves in her lap. In that moment, she quit thinking and just felt. She felt their tiny arms around her neck and their warm kisses on her cheeks. She held them tight to her sides as they began telling her about their day at school. She asked them if they wanted snacks and soon they were all in her sister’s small kitchen making tea and sandwiches and singing silly songs.

When Nicola made it home she didn’t act as if much was wrong for the sake of her sons. Alex knew that even at their young age they would worry about their favorite aunt so she also acted as though she had just fancied a visit and to have dinner. The boys played in the living room as the sisters made dinner for the four of them, Nicola’s husband would be absent due to a business trip.

“Alex, did you call the locksmith like I suggested?” Nicola asked without looking up from the vegetables she was cutting. She tracked Alex’s movement in her peripherals. She noticed her sister tense up a bit and shake her head.

“Of course not Nic. I have been with the boys all afternoon and I wouldn’t want them asking questions or getting scared.” Alex reasoned, but she knew it was mostly because she absolutely despised talking to strangers on the phone. 

Nicola shook her head but didn’t argue. She knew it would change nothing. Alex had her issues, it wasn’t something she could just control. Nicola knew what had caused them and was very thankful she wasn’t the same way, then she would be of no help to her sister. She just made a mental note to call a friend of her husband’s that could do the job.

When dinner was eaten and the boys had been bathed and put to bed by their favorite aunt Alex sat down next to Nicola on the sofa. They were quiet for a while, neither of them knowing how to start a conversation that would ultimately end in tears. Nicola was the first to speak, “I called a friend and your locks will be changed in the morning. I’ll go before I head off to work if you will take the boys to school for me.”

“Thank you Nic, I will certainly drop them off you. I’ll still be able to get to the library on time.” Alex whispered the last part to herself, but Nicola still heard.

“Why do you need to be at the library at a specific time?”

Alex quickly tried to come up with a convincing lie, “No reason, I just go about the same time on the days I go.”

Nicola raised her eyebrow at Alex. “Ok... now tell me the real reason you have to be ‘on time’.”

Alex looked down and bit her lip. What would sister say to her if she said she had met a guy she wanted to see again? Maybe congratulations until she found out how old he was. Alex took the easy way and was very vague, “a friend of mine is meeting me there is all.”

Nicola could tell she was lying but decided Alex’s day had been stressful enough without her making it worse by pressing this matter. If her sister had made a friend she was happy, but it was obvious there was more to it and Nic was going to find out eventually.

Alex laid in bed that night and cried for hours. She couldn’t stop it. He had been in her home and it scared her to death, it brought back so many painful memories. She could still hear the screaming and wounds she thought had healed began to bleed again. How was she supposed to live a normal life when the past kept coming back and hurting her more?


	7. Sorry I'm Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I have been taking so long with chapters. Life just keeps getting in the way.

Matt had stopped at the corner store before heading to the library the next morning. He bought two little apple pies, a milk, and a water bottle. He would drink whatever she didn’t choose. He hoped she would come to see him again and as he got closer to the library he could feel his heart trying to escape his chest. He had never been so excited to go to the library in his life. He just couldn’t wait to see that beautiful woman again. Then, as he got to the steps of the library, he suddenly thought she might not like apple pie. In a bit of a panic, he sprinted back to the store and bought another pie in blueberry, just in case. He didn’t want her to be uncomfortable if she didn’t like what he bought.

When he got back to the library she wasn’t there, so he sat at their table, pulled out his school work and waited. He didn’t pay much attention to what he was doing for the first few minutes. He was too anxious to see Alex to be focused on anything but her arrival. After ten minutes of waiting, he started to get worried. Maybe she wasn’t going to come today. Maybe something had happened to her. He then began to focus on the homework he needed to get done because the thought of her being hurt bothered him so much more than it should and he needed to distract himself from it.

An hour later Alex quietly sat across from him. She hadn’t meant to be so late. She absolutely hated knowing that he was waiting for her while she had to deal with her treacherous sister. She noticed the pie wrapper and the empty milk bottle and felt bad. He had brought food for them, but she had taken too long. She watched him for a moment, he was so engrossed in the book he was reading he hadn’t noticed she was there. “Matt,” She whispered.

He jumped at the sound but smiled at her. “What took you so long?” He looked at her with concern. She was surprised because she had braced herself for dealing with anger at her lateness, but then she remembered this was Matt and he was not like the other men that had come and gone in her life. He must have been worried something had happened to her or that she decided she didn’t want to see him, there wasn’t room for anger at her when he must have been very worried instead.

“I am so sorry. I stayed with my sister last night and took my nephews to school this morning and then my sister insisted I go with her to meet with the locksmith even though she promised she would handle it.” Alex brow furrowed. She hated dealing with people and Nic had promised and then made Alex uncomfortable anyway.

Matt could tell she was annoyed. “Why did you need to meet with a locksmith?”

She looked regretful when he asked, but she had mentioned it herself. She mentally berated herself for being too comfortable with Matt and took a deep breath. “It’s a sort of crazy story. I’m divorced. I have been for about two years now. Yesterday after I got home from shopping I found evidence that he had been in the house. I haven’t seen or heard from him since the papers were signed. I had a panic attack and left to stay with my sister for the night.” She noticed Matt tense immediately.

“That bastard!” Matt’s hands were balled into tight fists and he looked furious. Alex was shocked at his reaction for a moment but realized that he cares so much about her that it should be anything but a surprise. “Why would he do that? Are you ok?”

Alex immediately put her hands on his fists and tried to make him calm down, “I’m fine darling. I am completely ok, just a little shaken. I have what some would call severe anxiety and it was just triggered last night.” She was rubbing circles with her thumbs on his hands until they relaxed and turned palm up to hold hers.

She wasn’t surprised when he moved to hold her hands. She was thankful he cared so much for her even though he didn’t know her very well. It was comforting knowing he felt the need to protect when he didn’t even know what he’d have to protect her from.

Matt was relieved when she didn’t pull away from his touch. He wanted to be someone she could depend on, that she knew he would do whatever he could for her so she would be happy. He was surprised about easy it was for him to feel like this about her when he didn’t know her, but he wanted to. He wanted to know everything about her. Why she was crying that day, why she seems so fragile.

“Can I ask you a question, Alex?” Matt was trying to put a few pieces together, but he didn’t want to make assumptions.

“Of course, Sweetie,” She smiled at him.

“Is your ex-husband the man you mentioned yesterday? That you were surprised you mentioned.” Matt hoped she wouldn’t be too upset to answer, but he wouldn’t push it if she refused to answer.

Alex sighed and nodded, “Yes. I haven’t talked about him since he left and it just surprised me how I mentioned him without thinking to you. Ralph hurt me terribly and I have avoided even saying his name for months.” She could tell Matt wanted to ask but didn’t know if it was appropriate or if she would be upset, so she began to explain without his verbal prompting. “Ralph cheated on me. That’s why we divorced. I mean I tried to deny that’s what he was doing for ages, I couldn’t cope with the reality of it. Then one day I saw him with her while I was out. I realize now I should have embarrassed him in public, but I just came home and cried instead. When he got home I was a wreck and he laughed and began packing his things. He had known I had seen him. I think he planned it like that. He knew I would be in the area of his office building that day.”

Matt looked at her in shock. How could someone be so callous and mean? Before he could say something Alex continued.

“It was only after we divorced I realized how abusive he was. He was never physical, but he was verbally and emotionally abusive. He used to get mad at me for nothing or anything whatever he felt like complaining about that day. He screamed at me a lot and he always made sure I was crying before he was done.” 

Matt’s mouth fell open. He didn’t know what to think about what he had just learned. Without saying a word, he stood up and went to her side of the table. He pulled her up out of the chair and hugged her tight.

She was surprised by his actions, but she hadn’t been hugged like that in years and she wanted to cry. She wrapped her arms around his middle and hid her face in his chest.

He placed his chin on the top of her head and rubbed her back. He could feel tears seeping through his t-shirt. He was going to help this sweet woman. He was going to be whatever she need him to be.


	8. The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, here's a present!  
> I know I keep saying this, but things really have been crazy and I wish I was writing this faster.  
> I hope you enjoy this shortish chapter and please don't hate me.  
> Comments are always welcome  
> <3

Alex sat on her couch in her empty house later that day. The sun was going down and she was getting more uneasy by the moment. Matt had stayed with her until he was almost late for class. He had given her the snacks he bought and ran from the car when she dropped him off. She still couldn’t understand how someone who had only known her for two days could care so much for her, but she was beginning to realize she cared greatly for him as well. He was so young and surely his family would be shocked to find he’d been spending his free time with someone twenty years his senior. Of course, Nicola would be shocked to hear the same.

            Before they parted ways Matt had made sure to put his number in her phone in case she needed him. She stared at the contact information in her phone, how he had put Matt with a little heart and smiley face next to it. She wanted to text him, just to see what he was doing, but for some reason unknown to her she couldn’t make herself bother him.

            As it grew darker and darker outside, she began turning on all the lights in her little house. She was still so worked up about Ralph getting in she couldn’t stand the darkness creeping inside. Once she was satisfied with that all the lights in the house were on she revisited every room making sure all the windows were locked and all the curtains were closed because she realized that he could be watching her from outside. Then she checked her back door and made sure it was locked and then the front. She rechecked everything again before she realized she was going to drive herself crazy, so she took a deep breath and hid in her kitchen to prepare her dinner.

Matt sat in his room and tried to study, but his brain wouldn’t let him focus. He kept hoping his phone would go off alerting him of a text and that the text would be from Alex. He hoped she was holding up being alone in the house. He had offered to stay with her just to make sure she was ok, but she had turned him down. Not that he was surprised by that. They had only known each other a couple days.

He did some research on anxiety disorders while he wasn’t doing his homework. He was trying to find ways to help her when she was having trouble. He seemed to be doing the best he could according to every article he had read. Being supportive and making sure the person knew that they were safe and that it was not their fault and whatnot was what he was trying to do, so he guessed he would just have to continue that.

When he finally got sick of failing to complete any of his assignments he threw himself on his bed. He picked up his phone and began typing a message.

_Hey, beautiful. How are you?_

He held his breath and hit send.

Alex was eating he favorite chicken and pasta dish when she heard her phone go off in the other room. She left her seat quickly hoping the message was from who she thought it was. She smiled when she saw Matt’s name go across the screen. When she opened and read the text a giggled escaped her and she felt truly happy for a moment. He had called her beautiful. She laid on her couch as she typed a reply, forgetting about her half eaten dinner.

_Hi. I’m ok I guess. The dark is bothersome, but I’ve been managing._

It was only a minute or so before Matt replied and she felt a rush in her chest that she had never felt before.

_The dark is bothering you? It’s because you’re alone in that house too soon._

_Yeah, I suppose so…_

_I offered to stay with you. I would have slept on the couch and you wouldn’t have had to worry._

Alex didn’t know how to reply. She knew his intentions were innocent and he was worried about her, but this young boy giving her so much attention was going to her head. When he had offered earlier that day she had not been worried about his intentions but her own. She just didn’t trust what she would do with him in her house. It had been so long since any man had given her attention and she craved it more than she had realized.

She also knew that if she didn’t have someone come stay with her she wouldn’t sleep at all. She didn’t want to cause her sister any more trouble and she certainly wouldn’t bother her mother, who would just worry and cause more of a fuss. She sighed. She was so conflicted.

She chewed her lip and weighed her options when her phone beeped again.

_Alex? I’m sorry if I crossed a line._

Before she finished reading is text she made her decision. She was going to take a chance and do something without running through all the consequences and possible outcomes and working herself up.

_Matt, will you please come over and stay the night?_

Matt read the text five times before he realized he wasn’t dreaming. He quickly shoved all his books in his bag along with some clothes. He ran quickly to his bathroom and grabbed his deodorant and toothbrush and before anyone could ask where he was headed he was down the street.

Alex was sitting on her couch clutching her phone hoping she hadn’t just made a huge mistake. She didn’t know what she was doing and she didn’t know what could happen, but she did know that in the last few days she felt the best when she was talking to Matt.

It took less than five minutes for Matt to make it to her door. She jumped when he knocked but quickly realized it had to be him. She quickly let him in and offered to make him something to eat. She failed to notice the car parked across the street from her house. The car that held the man she hated most.

Ralph watched as anger bubbled inside of him. Alex had changed the locks on him. Now she was letting this young guy in their house. He banged the steering wheel. The worst part was it was one of his students. How had Alex met one of his theater students? It was ok, she didn’t know he was a professor now, she knew nothing. Everything would be fine. Fixing this would be easy.


	9. On a Stage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Sweeties  
> I hope everyone had a good Christmas, mine was a bit crazy.  
> Here it is. I hope you all enjoy it and please don't hate me too much.   
> <3

Alex sat in the back of the college auditorium. It was Matt’s opening night and she had promised him she wouldn’t miss it. Matt had been sleeping on her couch the last three nights and all he had talked about was how excited he was to be in the play. Alex had helped him run his lines and made sure he knew everything he needed to remember about annunciating and speaking loudly enough everyone could hear him. That’s why she was in the back, she had told him he had to make sure she was able to hear what he was saying. It had been great fun for her to help him because missed when she was an actress.

She was one of the first people to arrive so she had a great deal of time to kill, but it was already growing dark outside and she still had to fight to keep herself calm in the dark. Matt’s presence in her home had been helping her greatly, being alone was bad for her and her anxiety. He helped her clean and make dinner. He watched movies with her until she fell asleep and then he’d go get settled on the couch. He made sure she was ok before leaving in the morning for school. 

He had told his mom he’d been staying with a friend who was having issues with an ex. She didn’t seem to have a problem at all. Matt said she seemed almost hopeful about the situation. That maybe whoever the friend was would become more than a friend. He blushed hard when he told her and Alex just laughed and said his mother would not feel the same if she knew how much younger Matt was than the mystery friend.  

She knew she was growing too attached to Matt. He was young and had so much life to look forward to. She wasn’t so young anymore and she would hate to be the reason he didn’t take chances or go for his dreams. She didn’t want him to realize too late he had wasted his time and could have been something great, but she knew she was beginning to love him. She wanted him around all the time.

When the house lights went down and the spotlight illuminated the middle of the stage she felt her heart jump, she was so excited to be there supporting Matt. It was when the director walked across the stage. Her heart began racing and she wanted to leave immediately. On the stage, in his best clothes, was her abusive ex-husband. Ralph.

Her head began to spin and she was using all her strength not to run out. She had to wait until he was off stage. He did his introduction and praised all the work his cast had done. He smiled and bowed and then he was gone and in his seat.

She stayed frozen for a moment. She hadn’t known this was what Ralph was doing for a living. She hadn’t realized he had left his office job. He had been so close to her all this time. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Matt had known him this whole time without realizing who he truly was.

She forced herself to sit through Matt’s first scene. She focused on how handsome he was in his period clothes and how well she could hear him from the back. She focused on the smile she had been so accustom to seeing and she ignored her urge to flee. She focused on the one person who had promised he would never be too busy for her when she needed him.

When Matt exited the stage she ran. She ran out of the building to her car. She texted her sister and didn’t stop until she was at her door. She launched herself into Nicola’s arms and cried. Nicola didn’t ask for an explanation from Alex. She held her sister close and comforted her.

Alex was still extremely upset when her phone began ringing. Alex didn’t even seem to notice so Nic picked up to see who it could be. She was confused by the name and even more confused by the message.

_Darling where are you?_

Nic had no idea who would be looking for Alex or calling her Darling. She looked at Alex and decided she wouldn’t bother. She’s sure she would find out soon enough, so she placed the phone on silent and put it back in her purse.

“Sissy, will you please tell me why you are so upset?” Nicola rubbed Alex’s back as she continued to cry and shake.

“I…I saw... saw him and… and Matt… oh Matt he doesn’t know, but he’s there and… and... and… Ahhhhhhh,” Alex wailed.

            Nic shushed her and decided not to ask about it until the morning. She took Alex in her bathroom and helped her shower and dress and got her in bed. Her poor sister just needed to rest and collect herself. She would figure out what was happening in the morning. 

 

Before Matt went on stage, before his director had even made his introduction, he was peeking out from behind the curtain to find her. He could see her hair way in the back and he laughed to himself. She really was going to make him speak as loudly as possible so she could hear. He continued to watch her until Fiennes started his way up the side steps. Matt held his breath and listened.

When it was his scene he made sure to recite his lines just as Alex had taught him. He hoped she would be proud of him. When he turned to the audience before exiting the stage he could just barely make out her halo of curls. Now he just had to sit and way the entirety of the play before he was on stage again in the last scene.

During his last scene, he noticed she was gone. He assumed she must be in the restroom but as the curtains closed she still had not returned. He changed quickly and didn’t stick around long enough for anyone to invite him to the after party. He went out into the hallway but she was not there waiting. He made his way out into the parking lot but he couldn’t find her car. Matt texted Alex multiple times before giving up. Where had she disappeared to? Why had she just left him there? As he thought about it more he began to fear the worst. He texted her multiple times without a reply and decided to begin the walk towards her house. He knew where the spare key was hidden and once he got the door unlocked and the key hidden he went inside. She wasn’t there. He checked every room, but nothing, there wasn’t even evidence suggesting she packed a bag. She just disappeared.

He fell heavily on the couch when he heard her text tone go off. He quickly opened the message.

_Hi Matt,_

_This is Alex’s sister. I am not entirely sure what happened tonight, but Alex came to my place completely hysterical. When you get a chance please give me a call._

_Nicola_


	10. Is She Ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Sweeties,  
> Here is another one. I hope everyone enjoys this one because I have no idea how often I will be updating since classes started today and I am taking more than a full load.   
> Please enjoy and comment because I really adore hearing from you all.   
> <3

Matt read the message and hesitated. Alex had left the play to go to Nicola’s.  She only does that when she’s having an extremely difficult time dealing with her anxiety, most of the time that has to do with…Ralph.

Suddenly everything clicked. His theater professor, Fiennes, his first name was Ralph. Matt began to feel sick. He had been taking advice and studying under the man that had hurt his Alex. He had been talking to him about her as they worked together. Alex had left because she had seen him on stage.

Matt got up and started pacing Alex’s living room. His poor Alex had sat and faced her worst enemy for him. She had sat through his first scene undoubtedly uncomfortable and fighter her urge to flee immediately, but she had stayed and made sure he knew she supported him regardless of herself.  

            His hands shook as he called Alex’s phone. His heart was trying to escape his ribs as it rang. When he heard Nicola’s voice he sighed.

            “Hello?” He hesitated. “Hello? Matt?”

            “Yes? Nicola?” Matt thought he sounded scared. Which he was, he was worried about Alex. He was scared of what she might be thinking or if she felt different about him now. “Nicola, how is Alex? Is she ok? I swear I had no idea at all.”

            “Matt, Matt she’s ok. She’s sleeping. What didn’t you know? What happened?”

            “I didn’t know Fiennes was her ex-husband. He’s just my professor, I don’t know about his personal life. We don’t converse about much except the play, but I know I have mentioned her to him before, but not in detail. I wouldn’t have asked her to go if I had known, I swear.”

            “Matt, please take a breath. I have no idea what is going on. She was crying so violently she couldn’t speak. I need you to explain.”

            Matt felt so terrible. He had upset her. He had been the reason she had to face Ralph. “Nicola, Alex was attending my first play tonight. My theater teacher and director, his name is Ralph Fiennes… I didn’t realize until just now that he is Alex’s ex. She forced herself to sit through the first scene of the play to see me even though she had already seen him. I feel absolutely awful.”

            “Oh Matt, it’s ok. It isn’t your fault you didn’t know. There was nothing you could have done to have helped this. I love my sister dearly, but sometimes I wonder if her inability to work through some of her problems is just making her overall condition worse. You haven’t known her very long and there is so much she has yet to tell you about herself. Ralph was not the first man she trusted that broke her beyond repair.

            “Alex was the oldest of three girls and she felt like she had to protect us even though she was still a child. He had instilled it in her that when he was away it was her duty to keep our mother and us safe. It is not all Ralph’s fault she is the way she is; it can be blamed on our father equally as much.”

            “Your father?” Matt was confused. Alex had never really mentioned her father to him. He had assumed that maybe he hadn’t been around much when she was a child.

            “Yes. Our father was a wonderful man… when he was sober. When he had been drinking he was unpredictable and abusive. Alex watched as he screamed at Mum all the time. Alex was there when he was finally satisfied with his actions and would leave and she would comfort Mum. He was never physical, but he knew how to break us down emotionally. Alex stood up to him. She had grown up a daddy’s girl, but she watched him lose all the respect any of us had for him. She was supposed to protect us so she tried to protect us from him. He told her how terrible of a daughter she was and how she would never find a man who would want her because she was stubborn and talked back and never once let him go without questioning how he could possibly say he loved us when he treated us like that. He emotionally manipulated her trying to make her believe he was the victim and our mother just wasn’t a good wife. He tried to use our religion to justify his actions. Alex had been broken long before Ralph found her, but he took advantage of her weaknesses and became our father in her eyes.”

            Matt was in shock. Alex had been through so much more than she had let him know, but things were suddenly making sense, “That’s why she loved libraries. Your mother took you there to get away from your father,” he whispered.

            “That’s right Matt. That’s where you found her isn’t it? In the back corner crying her eyes out.”

            “It is.”

            “She has had it rough. She has always been told she was not good enough by the men who were supposed to lover her unconditionally.”

            “I love her.” Matt didn’t hesitate in confessing to Nicola. He did love her. It had only been a week, but sitting in her kitchen talking, helping her cook, watching movies with her. He adored her and her anxiety and how he could see her smile on her good days and how he could comfort her on her bad ones.

            “Are you sure Matt? It’s only been a short time. You think you know what you’re getting into but you don’t. This isn’t your chance to be a hero to a woman. There a going to be days you are absolutely useless to her because she doesn’t want to be touched or talked to. She will get annoying and if you even raise your voice a little she will break down. You can’t just think you can fix her because this isn’t a fixable problem. You have to take this in stride and deal with her at her very worst and still love her and support her.”

            “I love her.”

            “Matt, I’m texting you my address. Please come over so you can be here when she wakes up.”

 

            Alex’s car wasn’t in the driveway but Ralph could see lights on in the house. When he sees Matt exit the house and lock the door behind him he was furious. What was he doing there when Alex wasn’t? He had seen Alex enter the auditorium earlier in the night. He had also seen her quick exit after Matt’s scene. Ralph couldn’t quite figure out was going on between them. He had befriended the young man in an attempt to get a clue as to what Alex had been up to, but Matt won’t say much more than she is amazing and he can’t believe he was lucky enough for her to even talk to him let alone keep him around and have him stay the night.

            Ralph had begun to wonder if Alex’s taste had changed. Since he had left her had she decided she was worthy of having young men throw themselves before her? Young Matt seemed quite enamored with her. Ralph didn’t like it. She was still his. Even if he had left her, she was still his.

            He decided to follow Matt down the street. He watched him turn the corner and walk into another home, presumably his own. He emerged a few minutes later with a bag on his shoulder and a young woman with a set of car keys. He watched as they pulled out of the driveway and drove down the street.

            Ralph decided that if that was the direction Alex was in she must be at her sister’s, probably having one of her breakdowns, silly woman. He shook his head and turned to head to his own home. He had just the plan to break this up. It would all be fine and Alex would come crawling back to him soon.


	11. Photograph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Sweeties  
> This week will be my first full week of classes so I don't know when I will have time to write.  
> I hope you all enjoy this one because I actually really love this chapter.  
> Comment as always because you don't know how happy it makes me  
> <3

Laura hugged Matt tight, “are you sure everything is ok?” She was worried about what her brother had gotten himself into. He had been so vague about what was he was doing, only saying his friend needed him and asking her to drive him nearly an hour away from their home.

            “Lor, to be perfectly honest with you, I have no idea if anything is ok.” He looked down at his hands.

            “Could you maybe tell me what is going on, who this friend is, why they suddenly need you so much? Just so I know for certain everything is ok.” She reached out to take his hand. He wouldn’t look her in the eyes and she was worried he had gotten himself into something he couldn’t handle. He was still practically a child and she didn’t want him getting in over his head with things he shouldn’t be involved with.

            “I’ll tell you, but you cannot under any circumstance tell mum and dad about it until I decide it’s the right time.” He looked at her and she could see how serious he actually was.

            “I promise Matty. I won’t tell them a thing.”

            “Ok. Well, it all started about a month ago. I saw her crying in the library,”

            “YOUR FRIEND IS A GIRL?!”

            “Yes. I didn’t say anything to her because she was really upset and I didn’t want to make things worse, but I kept going back after that day. I wanted to see her again. She walked back into the library a week ago and we talked. She gave me a ride to class and we’ve seen each other every day since then. She has some problems and she saw her ex-husband tonight because he’s my professor and now I am here at her sister’s house to check on her.”

            “Ok well, that’s sweet and all… wait… did you say, ex-husband? She's been married? How old is she Matt?” Matt ducked his head and mumbled. “What was that?”

            Matt looked her in the eyes, “She’s almost forty-two Laura. She’s twenty years older than me.” He nearly yelled at her.  Laura’s jaw dropped and he knew there was no stopping the coming events. She would tell their parents and he would never hear the end of how terrible this was. He knew how his mother would react and all the nasty and completely untrue things she would say about Alex even though Alex was not his girlfriend. He doubted Alex even felt the same about him because he was so young. He was sure Alex only thought of his as a confidant, someone she could rely on to help her when she needed it.

            “Matthew, do you even know what kind of trouble this could get you into? No, don’t say a thing. I don’t even mean with our parents. What if your professor finds out you’re close with her? What if he is one of those crazy exes that stalk the person when they decide they miss them? What if he tried to grade you unfairly or get you kicked out of school? Matt, have you even thought about what this could mean for you?”

            Matt stared at her incredulously, “No, I really haven’t. I’m not worried about me right now. I’m worried about her and her mental state and hope to god she isn’t relapsing after having a few good days. I will worry about me tomorrow.”

            It was Laura’s turn to don a look of disbelief. She couldn’t believe her brother was so concerned for someone he had only known a week. She couldn’t understand why he was disregarding the risks he was taking to comfort a middle aged woman. Laura wondered what kind of cougar Matt had found. It sounded like she was mental case who needed to back away from her brother immediately before he ended up in trouble he couldn’t get out of.

            Before Laura could question him further he gathered his bag and exited the car. Laura could only sit and watch him walk to the door of the home. She watched as he rang the bell and was welcomed inside by an older woman that she assumed was the sister. When the door closed behind him she put the car in gear and pulled out of the drive. She had a lot of thinking to do about this situation.

 

            Nicola heard the car pull up outside the house. She went and peeked out the window and could see two figures in the car. It looked like they were arguing. She wondered who the other person was if it was his mom or his friend. She had been thinking about her earlier conversation with Matt and realized that he must be very young. He was a college student and even though that couldn’t truly determine his age, the way he spoke so quickly trying to explain what happened with Ralph made her feel like he was still a child.

            When he got out of the passenger seat and walked to the door she could see that he was really young. He was barely legal. She shook her head and wondered just what Alex thought she was doing leading on an innocent young man like this. She couldn’t possibly believe she could have a relationship with him. He had already admitted his love for Alex to her, but she couldn’t believe it would help Alex to hear that. Like usual her sister was in over her head.

            Matt knocked and Nicola answered as warmly as possible. “Hi, Matt. Please, come in and have a seat. I was just getting some tea ready. Would you like some?”

            “Yes, please, if it isn’t too much trouble.” He sat his bag down in the hallway and followed Nicola into her living room. She gestured towards the couch and he takes a seat. He studies the room as he waits. The walls are covered with photographs of two boys, one looked just like Nicola and the other looking more like the father he could see in the family photos. There were candid shots from birthday parties and football games. There was Halloweens and Christmases past. He could see the two little ones growing up before him.

            He could hear Nicola rummaging around in her kitchen and he didn’t want to venture anywhere he wasn’t invited, but he was too nervous to just sit. He got up and began studying the pictures closer. There was a much older picture of a couple and three little girls. The biggest girl was holding the father’s hand tightly while the others cling to the mother. He smiled. Alex could not have been more than eight in the photo. Her hair wild, but pulled from her face with a headband. She had on what he assumed would be a church dress and her best shoes. Sweet little Alexandra so very long ago, before she had to deal with so much.

            He slowly ventured around the room. Seeing so many pictures of the two boys. One seemed to have a passion for football. There were team pictures starting from when he was no more than four. The younger one seemed to have a love of reading, just like his aunt, most pictures were of him sitting in an overstuffed chair holding some sort of book. The books always becoming thicker as he grew.

            Matt walked all the way around the room. When he stopped at the last pictures he saw one that made his heart flutter. It was a picture of Alex in a beautiful sun dress. She was sitting under a giant oak tree. Its limbs reaching out around her, she was smiling up at the sun reach through the tree limbs to her. Her hair was longer then, but still just as curl. She looked so young and free.

            He jumped from the wall when Nicola startled him by clearing her throat behind him. She laughed and handed him a steaming cup. “She was beautiful wasn’t she?”

            “She still is. I wish she was still as happy, though. How old was she?” He took a sip of tea and savored the way the heat radiated out from his belly.

            “She was twenty. She wanted to go to the park so bad that day because our father was driving us mad. I had been doing a project for a photography course and was reluctant to go, but she convinced me and I ended up changing the focus of the entire project. I had been photographing household objects in the random places they were left after use, then I started to take pictures of her. I went through rolls and rolls of film that day. I just let her run free and captured it. The album with the rest is somewhere around the house, but this one was my favorite. I put it up not long after she married Ralph. I had decided that this was the last time she was truly and genuinely happy.” Nicola seemed to be talking more to her cup than Matt, and when she finished she sighed and moved away from the wall and to the couch.

            Matt took another look at the photo and then followed her. He sat down in the single chair across from the couch. He didn’t say anything as he sipped his tea and neither did Nicola.  They stayed quiet for a while, but when Nicola saw the time on the clock she spoke, “Matt, I don’t really know what to say to you about the current situation. Alex is just so fragile and you are so young. You have already told me you love her and I am worried of what will happen if she decides she feels the same. You have so many opportunities in front of you and any one of them could cause you to leave her. I just don’t want my darling hurt. I have been trying to put her back together our whole lives.”

            “Nicola, I want to help to put her back together. She could love me or she could not, but if I can help her improve herself and then have a reason to leave she understands she will be better than she is now. I just want her to be happy. I never intended for this to happen when I met her, but it has and now I know who Ralph is and I need her to know she needn’t be worried about it. I won’t let her be hurt by him any longer.”

            “He broke into her house less than a week ago. Are you telling me you believe knowing you are close to her will make him less likely to try something else? He is a nut, he was when she met him and he still is. I doubt him knowing you two are friends will help anything.”

            “There are legal steps that can be taken if he continues to harass her.”

            “Oh yes Matt, that’s exactly what we can do, we can put poor little Alex back in front of a judge and have her try to explain what is happening. Her divorce proceedings were hard enough for her and she did most of that in a small room with the judge because she worried herself into a fit and fainted the first day in front of the judge with the legal representation and everyone. Matt, I am warning you now, you won’t want to see me if my sissy is hurt again,” and with that, she collected both their abandoned tea cups and exited towards the kitchen. She came back only to point to the door that Alex was hidden behind.

            He slowly opened the door and could see Alex’s sleeping form in the queen bed. He could also see a little light escaping the bathroom. He slowly walked across to the bathroom, trying to be as quiet as possible and not fall over or run into anything. He noticed the small alarm clock that read 2:00 am. He sighed and went to change.

            When he was in his pajama pants and an old t-shirt he stood at the end of the bed and watched her for a moment. There was plenty of room in the bed for him, Alex was curled up tightly on the left side, but he didn’t know if Alex would be upset he was there. He weighed his few options and decided that the bed was still the best, though most dangerous, option.

            He tried not to disturb Alex as he lifted the duvet on the right side and slid under it. When the mattress dipped under his weight Alex stirred, but only rolled over onto her side to face him. He held his breath as he tried to get more comfortable. He wiggled a bit more and jumped when a sleepy Alex whined and her hand reached out to stop him. When he looked at her face she was still asleep. He didn’t move again and he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He had so much to explain to her tomorrow.


	12. Good Morning Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so incredibly sorry this has taken me so long. I have been horribly busy with college stuff and I have been overwhelmed and a mess since classes started a month ago.  
> I hope this is good enough to gain me some forgiveness after such a long wait.  
> The nest chapter will be crazier and more exciting I promise.  
> <3

When Alex woke up she was sweating. She began kicking off the covers when she felt her foot come into contact with something hard, something she knew was not there the previous night. She looked to her right and saw Matt staring at her with a pained expression.

            “Why’d ya kick me?” he yawned.

            “Matt?! Why are you in my bed? When did you even get here? How did you know where I was?”

            Matt sat up and stretched, “Well after you disappeared last night I went to your house. I wanted to let you know I had no idea that my professor was the same Ralph you had told me about and– “

 Alex raised her hand and cut him off, “It is too early. I need breakfast and coffee and to be much more awake before we start this.” She sprang from the bed and into the bathroom quickly locking the door behind her. She desperately wanted the feeling in her stomach from waking up to him so close to go away. She listened intently for any indication he was up and leaving the room, but she heard nothing. She washed her face and looked in the mirror. She knew things were not going to get any better for her.

            Nicola had let Matt in the house. She had seen how young he was and she knew he had a connection to Ralph. Alex was going to have to explain to her sister why spent the last week with a college student. She also had to decide whether Matt’s presence was worth the torture of knowing he would be seeing her ex-husband regularly.

            After a few minutes, she still hadn’t heard any movement on the other side of the door. She waited a few more moments and took a deep breath. She walked out into the bedroom and Matt was sleeping. She smiled and shook her head. She went to the closet and took out her bag to find something less revealing than her t-shirt and shorts. She found her jeans and a sweater and her underwear.

            She stood up and looked in Matt’s direction. He was completely knocked out, his mouth open and drool running down his cheek. She giggled and turned her back to him and began changing her clothes. She pulled her shirt over her head quickly cause her already messy hair to bounce wildly against her bare back. She took her favorite tiger striped bra and placed the cups against her back and latched it then twisted it around and pulled the straps on her shoulders.

            Before she even picked up her sweater from the dresser she heard a chuckle. She turned around quickly to see Matt resting on his elbows smiling at her. She gasped and threw the first thing she got her hands on at him. She regretted it immediately when it was her blue and grey sweater that hit him in his face.

            Matt laughed uncontrollably as she dived across the bed to retrieve it only to have him jump out of the bed and hold it over his head, out of her reach. “That is quite the interesting choice in lingerie Alexandra. I never knew you were fond of animal print.” Matt had no idea where the confidence behind his statement had come from because he was trying to keep his heart from leaving his chest just at the sight of her in front of him in her bra and shorts.

            She in incredible shape for someone who hid away in her house and he wondered when she worked out because he had never seen her do so. Her stomach was flat and her legs and arms toned. He would have to ask her if she wanted someone to work out with some time.

            “That’s because you’ve never seen any of mine. Now give me the sweater Matt” She gritted through her teeth as she stood up on the bed. Before he could take a step she jumped on him, knocking him down and freeing her clothing. She grabbed it and ran quickly to the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. She sat heavily on the floor trying to catch her breath and decide if she ever wanted to face him again.

            What had possessed her to change in the room where he was sleeping? How had she not expected him to be faking it? She couldn’t lie to herself and say she didn’t enjoy his reaction to her bra. She thought maybe subconsciously she really wanted Matt to be more than her friend. She couldn’t let that happen as much as her heart may want it. He was connected to Ralph and it could only end badly.

            Matt laid on the floor and laughed at himself. He really was terrible to have around, but she didn’t seem to hate him and she didn’t seem upset about the night before. He hoped this was a sign that whatever he was to her was more important to her than her unrelenting fear of Ralph. He could hear the sink begin to run in the bathroom, she was brushing her teeth like every morning, so he quickly changed into his clothes and waited for her.

            When she walked out of the bathroom fully dressed Matt had to keep himself from pouting. She was gorgeous and he want to be able to really appreciate her for what she was outside and in. She walked over to where he was sitting in the reading chair in the corner. She stopped in front of him and just looked at him for a moment.

            “What are you looking at beautiful?” He reached out and took her hand.

            She looked down at her hand and his. She smiled a little and looked back at him. “I cannot believe Nic let you in my room. How awful was she to you last night?”

            Matt hesitated a moment then looked down at their feet, “Well, she made it very clear how she felt about me being so close to you.” He started to play with her birthstone ring, twisting it around her finger.

            “Just ignore her darling. She is just very protective of me and she doesn’t want me to get hurt if I get attached. I get attached so easily and she has seen what happens to me when the affection I have isn’t shared.”

Matt felt his heart break a little. So she wasn't attached to him?  Before he could question her about her phrasing there was a knock on the door. Before Alex had time to move away from Matt Nicola was in the room. She stared at them for a moment, and they both knew she was trying to decide what to disapprove of first. Alex let go of Matt and walked over to hug her sister. “Good morning Nic. Did you sleep well?”

“Good morning to you too dear. Yes, I guess I did after even after the events of last night. What about you?” She looked to both Matt and Alex for an answer.

“I slept great last night,” Matt grinned. He could see the disapproval in both the women’s eyes.

Alex shook her head at Matt and turned to Nicola, “I actually slept quite well for it to have been immediately after one of my emotional breaks.” It truly did puzzle Alex that she didn’t toss and turn all night after what had happened. She must have exhausted herself with all the crying and hyperventilating. Then she looked at Matt and thought maybe it was him.

“Well, that’s great darling. I was wondering if the three of us could go out in the living room and have a chat. Only if you two have the time of course.” Nicola said the last part mostly for Matt. If he needed to be at school, she would give him the out. Alex, on the other hand, was going to have to talk to her whether she wanted to or not.


	13. I Never Meant for This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Sweeties  
> Here it is. I hope you guys enjoy and don't hate me.  
> Things have been crazy with school and I am getting engagement photos done this week and it's a lot.  
> Please comment like always. It makes me so happy to hear from you guys.  
> <3

Matt looked at the clock, “I have plenty of time to talk.” He smiled big trying to hide the fear he felt. This was it. He had a feeling Nicola didn’t like him already, he knew she didn’t like that he was so young or that he knew Fiennes, or that he loved Alex.

Alex bit her lip and sighed. Matt seemed so sure of himself, but Nicola would bite his head off by the end of this. She knew Nic was only worried about her and wanted to protect her, but Alex knew this was going to end badly. She cared for Matt, she wasn’t sure if she loved him, but he was her friend and he had been helping her with so much. Alex wasn’t just going to let Nic tell her she couldn’t be his friend. With her mind made up, she followed them into the living room.

Nicola had tea setting on the table. Matt sat in the armchair and Nicola patted the seat next to her for Alex. Alex sat down and quietly watched them. Matt picked up his tea right away and took a long sip. When he noticed her looking he winked at her. She smiled and looked down at her lap.

Nicola took note of their interaction and was disappointed in her sister for acting like a school girl. “I wanted to talk to you two about the events of last night and how you plan on handling the situation.” Nicola looked from Alex to Matt waiting for a reply. Matt took another sip of tea and Alex played with the end of her sweater, but they said nothing. She sighed, “How old are you, Lex? Is this really what you ought to be doing? I understand how much you have gone through in life, I was there for most of it, but please for the love of God grow up just a bit. What do you think will come of this? Ralph is crazy, certifiably so, he has already broken into your house. Matt made it clear last night he had no intention of distancing himself from you even though it could cause you both more grief than it is truly worth.”

"If this is about my age can I please say being younger than Alex hasn't made me any less of a friend to her? I don't our age difference really matters."

"Yeah Nic, why should his age matter? Just because he is younger than me doesn't make him bad company. We have wonderful conversations and similar interests." Alex could feel her blood pressure rising as she got more nervous about her sister's reaction. 

"This has to do with so much more than his age. He knows Ralph and that makes him a danger to you mental health. I don't like that he is twenty years your junior but more than that I hate that you know he has a connection to Ralph and you still trust him."

Alex looked up quickly, her eyes already filling with tears, “Nic, why do you always have to do this? I know you worry about me and that I am mental and that everything I do is wrong to you, but Matt is my friend. Ralph doesn’t even know we’re friends. Matt wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.” Alex looked to Matt, hopeful he would back her up. When he looked down in his cup and said nothing her face fell, “Matt, you wouldn’t hurt me right?” He nodded but said nothing. “Matt? Ralph doesn’t know right?”

Matt wiped his hand over his face. He had mentioned Alex to Ralph before, many times. He didn’t know if Ralph realized she was the same Alex, but Matt had talked about how much he loved her hair and about how fragile she was. Matt sighed, “I don’t know. He could have put two and two together by now.”

Alex looked at him surprised while Nicola just fell back into the couch shaking her head. “Matt, what do you mean? Have you been talking to him about me?”

“I didn’t know it was him. He was mentoring me. He thinks I have so much potential. He wanted to get to know me and he asked if I had a girlfriend. I just started talking about you. I told him about how beautiful I thought you were and how your hair was perfect and how your eyes get so bright when we talk about something you have a passion for. I told him how smart you are and how talking to you is my favorite thing, how well you cook. I told him almost everything. I told him your name was Alex. He could know because you were at the play last night.” 

Matt hid his face while Alex stared at him in disbelief. Nicola shook her head, “See Lex? This is why I worry about you, you trust so blindly and you never know what might happen.”

“Do you think I did it on purpose?!” Matt screamed at Nicola, “why would I purposefully let that snake know anything about her? I had no idea it would come to this.”

“Matt you are far too young to understand how dangerous this is for her. He may not ever physically hurt her but he knows what will trigger one of her attacks and he knows how to break her. I have told you this. He took advantage of the damage that was already there an-“

“Wait! You think I’m damaged?” Alex turned quickly to her sister.

“No darling, that isn’t what I meant. I am not saying you’re damaged I am saying he took advantage of a weakness caused by the pain you went through as a child.”

“You don’t think I can do anything do you? You think I am damaged and weak and useless because my anxiety.” Alex moved away from the couch quickly not giving Nicola the chance to defend herself. “You think because I have a mental condition that you have to take care of me and I don’t know what is right for me!” She started crying, “I am an adult and I know that having Matt around has made me better. I don’t get as nervous about ordering food and I haven’t had a bad attack over looking for auditions since I’ve met him. HE is making me better Nicola. What have you done?”

Matt left his seat and went to comfort her. He was relieved went she nuzzled into his chest without protest. “I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I just wanted to help you. I love you.”  He whispered as he rubbed her curls.

Before she could react to his confession Nicola was yelling. “I don’t know what I am supposed to do with you, Alexandra. You want to be so independent then be independent, but don’t call me when Matt disappears and don’t call me when Ralph tears you apart. Get out of my house.” She walked away, leaving them in the middle of her living room. The both flinched when they heard her door slam.

Matt held Alex for what seemed like a very long time while she cried. She shook with sobs and he just rubbed her back and kissed her hair and tried not to break down himself. When she finally started to regulate her breathing to match his he moved her to the couch. He sat her down and kissed her head. “I’m going to get all of our stuff and put in your car. Just stay here for me darling and try to stay calm.”

Alex just nodded and watched as he made two trips from the room they had slept into her car. When he was done he didn’t say anything to her just took her hand and lead her out to the car and put her in the passenger seat. She was thankful he was letting her think about what was happening.

About halfway home he started humming to the radio, and she smiled. She looked at him and just the joy he was getting from driving and listen to music made her feel better. She didn’t want to be the way she was, but she had always tried the best she could. He just made her want to try harder.

“Matt, do you really love me? Like you are in love with me?”

Matt quit humming and turned down the radio, “Yes, I love you. I am in love with you Alexandra.”

Alex hummed in response and looked out her window. Matt didn’t mind that she had no confession of her own for him, he didn’t expect her to. It would take her much longer than a week to be unafraid of feeling those things, if ever. He would still be her friend until then or until she sent him away.


	14. Empty Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for the lovely River_Melody_Pond so she knows she is forgiven for completely catching me off guard with the last update of Dam' That River!
> 
> I may be asking for forgiveness very soon.....  
> I am so sorry that it has been so long in between chapters, but this semester is almost over and then who knows how often I'll be posting because I'll free time again.  
> So enjoy sweeties <3

Alex stood in the doorway and watched Matt pull out of the drive in her little BMW. She had insisted he go ahead to class and not worry about her, that she would be fine by herself for a couple hours. As she closed the door and locked it she knew she had told a lie. As she stepped into her kitchen to force herself to eat she could feel her chest emptying. She felt the hollow spot she thought she had rid herself of, returning to its place, right in the center of her rib cage. She had definitely lied to him. She would never be fine by herself. 

She looked around her kitchen. She knew there was leftover chicken alfredo in the refrigerator. She took the container out of the fridge and emptied it onto a plate and put it in the microwave. She watched the plate spin without thinking. She didn’t want to think about what was happening because she knew exactly what she would do. Regardless of the fact that Ralph may not even realize Matt knew her, or even if he did, she was going to believe the worst thing that could happen would happen.

When the timer beeped she took the plate out of the microwave and sat it on the counter. She got a fork from the drawer and slowly started forcing herself to eat. She didn’t want to, her nerves had her stomach in knots, but she knew she had not eaten in nearly sixteen hours and whether she wanted it or not her body needed it. She also knew Matt would be upset with her if he realized she hadn’t eaten after he requested that what she do while he was gone.

When she had finished all she could she put the dish in the sink. It was instinct that she turned on the water and began to wash all that was in the sink. It was something routine for her. As she let the water warm she made sure to let it get almost too hot for her to stand. She wanted to feel the sting of the heat on her skin, it proved to her she could still feel something besides utter dread. As she washed, dried, and put away the few things in the sink she could feel the empty spot in her chest opening.  

It had disappeared temporarily when she met Matt, but she had known it was only a matter of time before it returned. When she was finished she looked around her. The rest of the kitchen was a mess. The table and counters needed to be wiped down. She could see both her and Matt’s things outside the kitchen entrance, and she knew the state she had left her bedroom in the night before. There was a lot she could go ahead and do while Matt was at school, but suddenly she couldn’t be bothered. She didn’t want to do those things and didn’t even really care if they got done anytime soon. All she wanted to do was sleep.

She exited her kitchen and started slowly walking towards her room, the hollow feeling expanding and she began thinking again. She knew it was over now. Her sister had finally given up and Matt was sure to follow. There was no reason for him to stay with her considering how much trouble she had caused in such a short amount of time. She wondered if it was obvious to him now that she wasn’t worth the trouble because her sister had made it very clear that she was.

She contemplated how life would be if she lost Matt now. She would feel completely alone. She would try so hard to live her life the way she had before he had come along, but she would feel more alone than she had before meeting him. He had become something so important to her. She didn’t want to go back to before. She could already feel herself worrying about him seeing Ralph during class. She was worried what he would do or say when he came home. She could feel the empty spot getting bigger and bigger and it swallowed where her heart should be. She just wanted to hit a reset button and start over. She wanted to go back to the beginning of her life and fix every mistake she had ever made because maybe she wouldn’t be like this anymore.

With her empty chest and her stomach beginning to knot, she decided she definitely just wanted to sleep. When she walked in her room she was comforted to find everything was exactly how she had left it and she crawled into bed without a thought. She opened her nightstand drawer and found her sleeping pills. She took two, curled up tight, and covered herself with the duvet. She sighed as tears began to roll down her face onto her pillow. She did not want to do this anymore. She just wanted to be happy and it seemed like happiness was going to evade her forever.

 

Matt had made it to the school with time to spare. He quickly navigated the campus careful not to run into his mates. As much as he loved them, he wasn’t in the mood to talk much. When he made it to the classroom he sat in his regular seat and watched the clock as the moments ticked away until it was time for class to begin. He wasn’t sure how he was going to react to seeing Fiennes after realizing he was the man that had hurt his Alex so badly. He was the reason he had seen her crying the library. He was the reason she has the constant paranoia. He was the reason she thought she was broken and worthless. Matt couldn’t stand knowing that the man that had been mentoring him and directing him was them man that had caused Alex so much heartbreak.  

He tried not to act like he hated Ralph when he entered the room. He strutted in his usual way to his desk and Matt just stared at him. Matt couldn’t understand what Alex had ever seen in him. He wasn’t extremely attractive in any way, his forehead was too large and his eyes were that of a rat. He looked like someone who hung out in alleyways and made shady deals in the middle of the night. Not that Matt could judge attractiveness or Alex”s taste in men, he wasn’t gorgeous by any means either.

Ralph began with the usual, he made announcements and congratulated the cast on a wonderful opening night. He gave some minor suggestions to a few to help the next show go smoother. He then looked directly to Matt, “You did wonderful last night. I had many colleagues tell me how much they enjoyed your acting in particular. Fine job, Mr. Smith.”

“Thank you…sir. I had a wonderful time performing.” Matt was happy that he had done a good job, but he was more worried about trying to figure out if Ralph had known Alex had attended part of the play last night. It didn’t seem as though Fiennes was insinuating anything and he certainly didn’t treat Matt any differently throughout the class.

They continued to rehearse scenes Fiennes thought needed work, none of them being the two Matt were in. Matt sat staring blankly at the wall behind the actors performing. He hoped Alex was ok by herself. He could only imagine what all this was doing to her inside her head. She tried to be strong on the outside, but he knew it was eating away at her inside. She needed more help than he could offer her, but he knew she would be reluctant to see a therapist. He sighed internally, he didn’t know what to do. He knew he loved her, but Nicola was right, that wasn’t going to save her.

As he sat and watched all that was going on around him he began doubting himself. This wasn’t one of those simple situations he just happened upon a solution for. He could only do so much for this beautiful woman who didn’t deserve all the pain she had felt in her life. As he thought he began to carefully watch Fiennes as he crept around the room. He had never felt uncomfortable around his theater professor. Ralph had never been anything but civil and encouraging to him. He desperately hoped that meant Ralph had no idea that the Alex he had affectionately spoken of was the same Alex he had abused, betrayed, and divorced.

When class was over Matt left with the rest of the students. Overall it hadn’t seemed like Ralph’s feelings towards him had changed. Matt took it as a good sign and he didn’t feel so anxious about it anymore. Everything would be fine, he could feel it. When he got to Alex’s BMW in the parking lot he threw his bag in the backseat and headed towards her home.

 

As everyone rushed out of the classroom door, Ralph could see Matt’s head above everyone else’s. He smirked as he watched the gangly boy disappear beyond the threshold and off, presumably to his Alex. Ralph scoffed. That poor boy had no idea what he was getting himself into with that woman but, he had just the plan to fix that problem.

 Ralph had to admit that Matt had talent and a passion for acting. Ralph knew he could probably tell Matt, "I’ve switched your part," and it wouldn’t be an issue because Matt knew not only his own lines but every line in the entirety of the play. Matt belong somewhere much better than this awful excuse for a theater program.

He sat down at his desk and opened the left drawer and pulled out a stack of brochures from theater schools and universities all over the country. They all had much better programs that could really help Matt reach his goals. All of them were also three or more hours away from the hell hole where they lived.

He had already spoken with many deans and department chairs. He’s asked about how to get Matt scholarships since he assumed that was part of the reason he hadn’t left the horrid little town. All he really needed was for Matt to say yes. If he did he would do whatever he needed to assist Matt. If he had to help him find a flat or write dozens of letters of recommendation and help Matt record monologs. Really he was helping poor Matt immensely.

He didn’t truly have any ill will towards the young man other than he wants him as far as possible from his wife. Ralph wanted Alex to be only his and Matt was in the way of that. He would save Matt from her stubbornness, her wrath, her laziness, all of the things only Ralph could deal with properly. He had made the mistake of leaving her and look at what she had done. She was making herself look absolutely ridiculous roaming town with that boy.

Ralph knew that Alex wouldn’t be up for it at first. She would be completely heartbroken that her little lover boy had left her, but then she would realize she still loved him and he was what was best for her. Ralph would have yet again and everything would be right with the world.


	15. Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Hi everyone  
> It has been an awfully long time and I am sorry. I haven't updated in over a year now.  
> Things got really crazy and hard for me out here in the real world and it's been rough.  
> So here's a short chapter for you and hopefully, you can forgive me for being AWOL so long.  
> p.s. I got to meet Alex for my birthday this year and she is wonderful <3

When Matt made it back to Alex’s place, he didn’t knock. He unlocked the door with the key on her key ring and walked in. He sat his school bag down in the hallway next to the untouched overnight bags and walked into the living room. It was empty. The house was much too quiet and he suddenly had a feeling in his chest he didn’t want to identify as he moved quickly to her bedroom door.

When he got there, he was suddenly too scared to open it. He turned the doorknob slowly and cracked it where he could barely peek inside, scared of the scene might find there. All he could see was a figure in the bed. He opened it a little more and he could distinguish her curls on her pillow. He held his breath and entered the room slowly. He could see her side rise and fall under her blankets. He moved closer and tried to inspect her the best he could to make sure there was no damage. When he was satisfied he took a deep breath. 

He had never felt an uneasiness like that before. He had been utterly terrified to find Alex had taken her own life while he was away. That would be the most awful thing to ever happen to him. He began to wonder if that was how Nicola had always felt with Alex. Was this how their lives had been for so long? Nicola hoping she wouldn’t find some indescribable scene in the house when she hadn’t heard from Alex in a few days and decide to go check to make sure she was ok. He loved Alex, but Nicola had been protecting her their entire lives and he knew it only made that feeling worse.

Matt suddenly felt the need to just lie down and sleep. He was so drained emotionally from the morning’s events he could barely keep his eyes open. He took his shoes off slowly and placed them next to the bed. He pulled up the covers on the empty side and tried as hard as possible not to shake the bed as he slid under them. Alex huffed in her sleep as he moved around to get comfortable and he chuckled to himself. He rolled so he was pressed right up against her back and wrapped his arm around her. It took only moments for him to relax and drift away from the bedroom where they lay.

 

_“Matthew.” Everything was hazy. He looked around to find the source of that musical voice. “Oh, Matt, you silly boy, I’m behind you,” she whispered in his ear but as he turned around he saw nothing. There was no one behind him, but there was a huge oak tree. “Matt, sweetie, come find me,” oh that voice. It was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. He thought only an angel would sound like that. He heard her giggle and he began walking towards the tree. It took no more than fifteen steps to get there and when he did he heard her giggle again, “Matty, you are taking far too long,” then she sighed a sweet little sigh that made Matt want to blush, what was she up too?_

_He walked around the tree looking for her. “Matt please come find me.” She sounded more desperate than playful now. He walked around the tree again looking up into the branches that reached up so far above his head, but he could not see her. “Matt, please! Please find me!” He looked all around the tree. She was nowhere to be found but her voice echoed around him “Matt, please! Please!” She sounded scared now._

_He finally decided to call out to her, “Alex honey, where are you?” she didn’t reply, she just continued to call for him pleading for him to come find her. So, he began to run. He just ran but his legs wouldn’t move fast enough, and he could hear her calls becoming cries, she was scared, she needed him. Damn his legs for not moving fast enough, it felt like he was in quicksand even though the ground beneath his feet was solid. He strained to gain an ounce of speed to get to her and her cries were becoming more frantic._

_He tried so hard to get to her, but it felt like he was going nowhere at all. Then suddenly he tripped as though there had been a trip line waiting for him and everything was quiet and faded to black._

 

He jerked upright in bed. He looked over to find the area Alex had occupied empty. He scrambled to get out of the bed and to the door, nearly falling on his face on the way. He ran from the door when she was not visible in the living room. When he got close to the kitchen he could hear her on the phone, “yes a pint of fried rice and a pint of plain lo mien. Yes, and extra soy sauce, please. OH! And an order of cream cheese wontons!”

Matt took a deep breath and turned the corner into the kitchen when he heard the phone click. She was slipping the Chinese takeout menu back under the magnet on the fridge. He snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She gasped but relaxed into his touch as if this was a normal everyday occurrence. “So you ordered dinner then? What time is it?” He turned to look at the stove clock, it was almost eight in the evening. He had slept for nearly 6 hours.

“Yes darling, I ordered dinner for us. I hope you like beef and broccoli and/or General Tso's chicken. We slept for a while and I just don’t feel like cooking tonight so…” she shrugged and stepped out of his embrace.

“I’d eat whatever you put in front of me at this point I’m starving,” he mentioned as his stomach made its emptiness known with a loud gurgle. Matt chuckled, “Did you sleep well?”

Alex shrugged and looked down at her feet, “not nearly as good as you. I’ve been up a couple of hours now, putting things away and cleaning other things up.”

“You could have woken me up, honey. I know today has probably been rough for you. You didn’t have to be alone.” Matt felt guilty he slept while she was alone with her thoughts.

“No, it’s ok, I’m sure this morning with my sister was hard on you too. I kept myself busy and distracted while you were getting some rest.” Alex was more upset than she wanted Matt to know, but she also knew her sister would call and apologize, at least to her, in a couple days. She just hoped Matt hadn’t decided to leave her after the events of the morning.

Matt knew he couldn’t tell her that he thought her sister needed to get over herself a little bit, but he felt like Nicola was being a bit rude about the whole thing considering it was all a very strange coincidence that Matt would be falling in love with Alex while also attending a class taught by her abusive ex-husband. It’s not like it was intentional. He knew Nicola would do whatever she had to do for the sake of protecting Alex, but she had been a bit extreme.“I’ll make it I’m sure, Nicola just wants what’s best for you, she just doesn’t think that’s me. She may be right for all we know.”

“Well, I think she’s wrong.” Alex declared. It took Matt by surprise but before he could even respond she had walked out of the kitchen and into the living room and plopped down on the couch and began scrolling through Netflix.

Matt didn’t say anything. He walked to the couch and sat beside her. He placed his arm around her and she leaned back into his side and pulled a blanket up to her chin. In moments she was asleep, and Matt was watching some gruesome horror movie on his own. He was absentmindedly petting her hair and kissing the top of her while they pretended to be a normal couple on a normal night.


	16. Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Sweeties!!  
> I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving or Happy Thursday if you don't celebrate.  
> I am very excited to post this short chapter and to be getting back into writing this story   
> Please forgive me if it's awful because I haven't been writing a lot in the past like year  
> leave comments kudos let me know what you think, please  
> I missed being a part of this community so much   
> enjoy darlings <3

It was the end of the semester. Matt had made it through the entire production of A Christmas Carol, the whole 2 weeks. Every night without fail he did his best in his part, improvising when things went wrong and playing it up when they were good and always receiving everyone’s’ praise. Even that of Alex who managed to make it back to the school to finish the production she had walked out on.

Matt told her many times that she didn’t have to do it. He kept reminding her how he was only in the first and last scenes and she had seen half of his performance and there was no need to put herself in an uncomfortable situation for his sake. She really needn’t go. Of course, she didn’t listen. If Alex had become anything since he had met her it was brave and determined.

He had continued to assure her she did not have to step foot in that auditorium as they drove to the school and got out of the car and walked to the doors. She was not backing down from this no matter what he said. So, he kissed her cheek and left her in her seat and headed backstage. He kept his eye on Ralph always knowing where he was to make sure he didn’t approach Alex, but it seemed like he was completely unaware she was there so Matt tried to stay relaxed. The play went on and Alex saw its entirety and praised Matt for days following. And then it was over. They had torn down the sets and put the props away and moved on.

Matt walked into class the last day for no reason at all except he had nowhere else in particular to be. They weren’t doing any exercises and had no final exam. He didn’t even really expect Fiennes to be there if he was honest otherwise he probably would not have gone by himself. He had been making the effort to stay way from Fiennes if they were going to be alone together. He always had excuses to never stay after class, must of them being completely untrue. He never spoke to the man unless others were present.

As he reached the threshold he noticed the room was empty except for Fiennes sitting behind his desk. Matt held his breath as he backed away hoping Ralph was distracted enough by the papers on his desk that he wouldn’t notice him. He was only a step away from making a break for it when Ralph looked up and made eye contacted with him, “Oh! Mr. Smith! Please come have a seat I have so much I need to discuss with you. I honestly thought you wouldn’t attend today and I would have to hunt you down! Thank heavens I won’t have to now.” Ralph smiled a very sinister grin.

Matt let out the breath he had been holding and stepped into the classroom and sat at the front desk in the middle row. Hesitantly he responded, “What do you need to speak with me about professor?”

Ralph studied Matt for a moment. His scrutinizing gaze made Matt want to squirm. Ralph picked up a handful of papers and brought them to the desk Matt occupied and laid them all before him and then move a desk in front of him, so they would be facing each other just inches apart. “Matthew, you are extremely talented. A natural performer. I had many friends attend the show these past weeks, friends from prominent theater schools across the country, and every one of them asked me about you. They wondered how someone who so obviously loved the stage and had such a talent for acting would be at such a small institution when you could be somewhere that would actually benefit you. I told them I did not know you personally enough to give an exact answer but that you had a girlfriend here, and your family was here, and you so obviously loved this town. They all thought you could be and any school of your choosing and that you shouldn’t settle here.”

Matt looked down at the pamphlets setting before him, he was shocked. Did people really believe he had enough talent to pursue an education at one of these schools? “Sir, I’m not quite sure I understand what you are getting to.”

“Matt, my dear boy, with some help from old friends, I have gotten you auditions at four schools. Copies of all the letters of recommendations are in the folder I handed you. There are applications for you to fill out and turn in and I believe one requires a recorded monolog while the others ask for you to do one in person as well and a scene with another student. Matthew, you can be something. You could be a star of the stage or screen whichever you choose, but we must get you out of this town.”

Matt flipped through the schools, University of East Anglia, Manchester School of Theatre, Rose Bruford College of theatre and performance, and the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland. He was astounded that any of these schools would even take him. He looked up at Ralph in disbelief. “All these schools want to audition me?” he whispered.

“Yes son, they do. I took the liberty of sending them any recordings we had of the show from the past week and your monolog assignment from this semester in hopes they would offer scholarships in case money had been an issue for you. I want to make sure my most talented student to date would become something and leave his mark on the world.”

Matt couldn’t deny that money had been one of the reasons he had chosen to stay home to go to school. His parents just couldn’t afford to send him away to a big school where they’d have to pay for housing and meals and tuition. Matt nodded slightly, “but did they offer any scholarships or grants?”

Ralph smiled, “Well yes, all of them did actually, full rides from the lot if you impressed them at the auditions.”

Matt wanted to scream. It was taking all his control not to jump up and dance around like a child from the excitement. He had a chance now, he could actually reach his dream of being an actor in movies or on the stage and he had no idea what to do first.

“Go home and speak with your parents. All the information you need is in the folders. When you figure out what you want to do text me, my number is on a sticky note in the first folder. I am determined to help you in any way possible.” Ralph stood up and extended his hand to Matt. Matt took it excitedly nearly knocking over the desk trying to stand up. He said thank you more than twenty times before he sprinted out the door and down the hall.

Ralph did want to see Matt get the opportunity he deserved. Matt never complained, he took direction well, was very thoughtful and made suggestions that benefitted the whole cast, he was eager to learn, and he never stopped smiling. Ralph could tell it was all great fun to young Matt and he knew that he could go very far if he was given a chance.

Ralph sat back at his desk and sighed. He liked Matt, he really did. He would genuinely love to see him make it in the industry. It was extremely convenient that helping Matt would also get Ralph what he wanted.

He was going to send Matt away to school, but Matt would tell Alex it was just school, and he’d come home often and call her every day.  She’d probably even help him move into his dorm and he’d show her where all the classes he was taking were and he’d kiss her goodbye.

For a while, it would go exactly how Matt promised, but then he’d get busy with assignments and auditions and he wouldn’t call as much, and he’d text when he could. He’d make friends and quit coming home for holidays to go on road trips with them. He’d meet a girl in a class and she’d just adore him and for a while, Matt would keep her at arm’s length but then he’d probably end up with her as a partner for an assignment and she’d make sure they got a scene where they had to kiss.

The first few times it wouldn’t bother him, and he would convince himself he still loved Alex regardless of this girl, then he’d begin getting into it. He’d start wanting to practice more so they could kiss her and then one day Alex wouldn’t really matter anymore because this girl was his age and right there with him all the time. He’d bring her home to meet his family and Alex would probably see him out with her and she would break and when she did Ralph would swoop in and pick up her pieces and she would love him just like always.

It would take a while, a couple semesters but it would be worth the wait to have Alex under his thumb again. He’d make her realize that she had always been his, he would always own her. He could make anyone disappear from her life just like that. She would never escape him.


End file.
